Harriet's mentoring experience

Harriet Gridley shares her experience as a Routes mentor.

Harriet is Head of UK Business Development for the Norwegian startup, No Isolation.    

My mentee and I met for the first time in October 2018. We have laughed about it since, but we had both worried about how to greet each other for the first time. Becky made this easy for me - we settled on a big hug, which set the tone for our relationship. We’re over half way through the 10 week programme now, and I’d like to share how transformational it has been, for us both.

Routes is a social enterprise dedicated to helping female asylum seekers and refugees to advance within a stifling migration system. The mentorship arm of the organisation pairs up women, who then meet weekly, to identify and work towards a series of goals, big or small, professional or well-being related. Simultaneously, mentees attend theatre workshops to build confidence and practice english skills, and mentors are taught about the complexities of the asylum process in the UK, and are trained in techniques for effective and compassionate mentorship.

Becky is a warm hearted and driven person. She loves to sing, and has a dream to work with children. Due to situations out of her control, she is also an asylum seeker, and that’s put her life on hold. She hopes to be granted refugee status soon, which would at least mean she’d have the legal right to work. But in the meantime, she lives off £5 a day, and is restricted in everything she does. For her it can be a battle to wake up each morning, and find hope or meaning for the day ahead.

We meet each week in a cafe, to work towards tangible goals that improve her wellbeing, and importantly to demonstrate progression in her life, when often her situation can feel stagnant and infinite. Together we have identified three areas to focus on:

1. Education

2. Work experience

3. The fun stuff

We’ve had some great successes so far, and I think that is largely down to Becky’s positive attitude of trying anything and everything, despite nerves or low moods.

A member of my work space was kind enough to donate a laptop, which Becky now uses to follow online courses to boost her English and Maths, and delve into other areas of interest. Becky has also been doing regular work experience with The Trampery, which has helped with self-confidence and meant she could add some references on her CV. Lastly, Becky has joined a choir, attended a jazz gig and has been to the cinema, all at the expense of kind folk who were happy to provide her these experiences for free.

Despite these positives, the mentoring process has sometimes been frustrating. My mentee’s struggles are caused by a complex and seemingly unchangeable system. Sometimes it can feel like what Becky and I are working on only counts for 2% of what really matters, that I can’t help her with the 98% that really matters, which is her asylum case, acquiring the rights to work and making a life here in the UK.

Nevertheless, over the past six weeks, I have been happily surprised by people's willingness to help. And I have been lucky to witness the gratitude with which these acts of kindness are received. My weekly meetings with Becky have become the highlight of my week.

By Harriet Gridley

(Follow Harriet on Twitter and connect on LinkedIn)

Theatre review: Twelfth Night

“…the show made my week like lovely. I was just thinking about love and to be honest it is a big deal because after the show my thinking was even like different, I was like, ‘wow, love’. My week went really smoothly… it did something to me! It did something to me so I loved it...”

* * *

On Tuesday 30th October, a 17-strong group of Routes women went to see ‘Twelfth Night’ at the Young Vic in London. Each one of these women had previously joined us for six of ten weekly theatre workshops, aimed at improving English language, increasing confidence and building new social connections.

At Routes we believe that doing theatre can be an incredible tool for achieving all of these things. But we also know how important witnessing theatre can be: the power of seeing yourself and your experiences played out in front of you; the joy of escapism; the gift of new, wider perspectives; the magic of being pulled into a story…

Kwame Kwei-Armah and Shaina Taub’s ‘Twelfth Night’ uplifted us, gave us hope, and made us laugh, sing and dance. We all left the theatre that night beaming.

At our workshop on Friday 2nd November, Routes’ co-founder, Daisy, interviewed eight women who attended the show, to find out what they loved so much. Below is a transcript of what was said.       

Routes women review Twelfth Night

B: The show was amazing, particularly the ending, they make it look so real, like they fell in love and everything was OK at the end. I loved the chemistry between the actor and the actress was really real; they made me feel like at the end, OK there’s still hope for love, so I like that part. Their chemistry, working together, is amazing. So I like the whole show.

Daisy: How did the show make you feel?

R: Oh my god happy. The whole thing it’s funny; really nice love story. You know? It’s reality. Some people you love someone and they love somebody else, but in the end this one is happy.

I: I don’t remember, the… you know the funny one who comes in the stockings? Laughter. Malvolio? Malvolio, yeah! I really like him. His facial expression and his acting was so funny.

Laughter and chatter

I really like him and also all the funny parts. I really like it. It was like, you can’t even tell that time is flying; one and a half hours, it was like ten minutes.

R: I like the big guy!

A: Yeah! I like him as well!

Laughter

Daisy: And how did it make you feel, the play?

F: Breathtaking. I was just… I couldn’t think of any mistake. I thought everything was just conducted brilliantly. Excellent.

Daisy: Anyone else?

M: The whole performance are really great. It’s really... They done really, really well.  

S: And also when Olivia got married with Sebastian! Laughter. It was so funny! And really nice, yeah.

L: It was first time for me. I saw…

Daisy: The first time you went to the theatre?

L: Yeah.

Daisy: What did you think about the experience?

L: It’s good!

D: Would you go back again?

L: Yes, of course. This is the first time all my life. Not… I didn’t ever go to the theatre in the past.

Daisy: Really? How many people it was their first time to the theatre?

A: Me!

S: In this country, yes.

L: Also in my country we didn’t have theatre.

Daisy: Does anyone have any final comments they want to make? Becky, What did you say to me when you came in today and I asked you how your week was?

B: I said the show made my week like lovely. I was just thinking about love and to be honest it is a big deal because after the show my thinking was even like different, I was like, ‘wow, love’.

Laughter

B: No to be honest my week went really smoothly. Even the next day I was like bang on dressed up, let’s go out and stuff. So yeah, it did something to me! It did something to me so I loved it.

I: Did you find love?!

B: Don’t worry about that…

Laughter  

‘Twelfth Night’ runs at the Young Vic until 17th November 2018. Tickets here.

Autumn Cohort Training Highlights

At the start of October, Routes’ Autumn Cohort of mentors met for the first time, ready to embark on their ten-week mentoring journeys together. Our mentors come to us from a huge cross section of organisations; from public sector to private sector, large corporates to small start-ups. Despite their different backgrounds, this 15-strong group of women all share the compassion, commitment and dedication that characterise Routes mentors.

Session One: An Introduction

Our first session was all about introductions, both to our mentors and to the programme itself. We explored the foundations underpinning Routes mentoring and the expectations of our mentors and mentees.

Undoubtedly, the highlight of this session was hearing from Olivia Head (Regional Coordinator at Breaking Barriers and Co-Founder of Bread & Roses) who walked us through the intricacies and complexities of the asylum process in the UK, covering the different legal statuses and the rights attached to each one. Our mentors had the chance to ask questions and understand the context of their mentees experiences.

Session Two: Communication

Session two took place at the magical Ministry of Stories, a home for mentoring and storytelling in Hoxton: the perfect fit for this session. We began with a check-in, asking everyone to tell us about their first mentoring meetings… We heard stories of pairs who clicked immediately, their mentees greeting them with huge hugs; stories of mentees teaching mentors phrases in their mother tongue; stories of mentors who’s nerves were immediately appeased by mentees who were chatty and warm. And we also heard stories of mentors who felt nervous about the language barriers, as well as others who were at times unsure of how much to fill the inevitable silences that arise when meeting a new person for the first time.

So it was fitting that this session was all about exploring communication tools and techniques. We looked at how drawing can help someone to articulate their goals; using Dixit cards as conversation starters; getting to grips with the concept of scaling as a mentoring tool, and much more. We unpicked coaching models, including TGROW, OSCAR and CLEAR, analysing how useful each one may (or may not) be in their individual mentoring relationships.

By the time we came to our second check-in of the evening, it was already 8pm, yet our mentors were feeling 'grateful, open, engaged, inspired, excited, positive, motivated, determined, curious and contemplative,’ which provided the perfect ground on which to move on to some more communication training, this time with social entrepreneur, Laura Macartney. Laura has a background in forum theatre, conflict resolution and inter-generational facilitation. She drilled us in how to be effective, compassionate and non-directive communicators, sending our mentors off, heads buzzing with tools, techniques and activities, ready to meet their mentees for a second time.

Session Three: Leadership

Our third and final training session focussed on leadership, and we were lucky enough to hear from three brilliant leaders, who shared with us their own distinct definitions of leadership.

We heard from Amy Cooper about how mentoring can be used as a space for digestion and how growth comes in moments of collaboration and sharing; she talked about how mentoring can illuminate possibilities, identify drains, remove blocks and build bridges.

Accenture’s Roshni Patel then walked us through her own experiences and definitions of leadership, centred around five pillars: be yourself; be curious and learn; build strong teams; have fun; strive to make a positive impact.

Finally, we heard from Cat Totty, whose experiences as a West End theatre director informed the way that she understands and practises leadership today. She talked about her work as a brand development consultant and the ways in which she has learnt to managed teams and individuals to get the most out of everyone she works with.

In the discussion that followed, we touched upon using reflection as a learning tool, building non-hierarchical relationships, communicating across language and cultural barriers and more...

What next?

With these three training sessions behind them, our mentors will continue to meet up over the next seven weeks. They will share advice and resources, draw on one another for support and guidance, and come together to reflect on their mentoring experiences, all with support from the Routes team.

We can’t wait to see their mentoring relationships develop and grow between now and Christmas!