Mentor Silvia (Nesta) and mentee Halima wrote this blog post together as they approached the end of their four-month mentoring journey. In it, they discuss first meeting, their evolving relationship, growing in confidence together and much more…
Silvia: “Halima and I got to know each other through the Routes mentoring programme, which has had a transformative impact on both of us. We embarked on this journey with a lot of hopes and fears, and now that we are approaching the end of it, we have both developed into more confident and empowered women. Most importantly, in just 10 hours together and without having even met face to face, we have both found a supporter and a friend.
“We would like to share a bit about our journey throughout the programme and how we’ve built a meaningful connection despite – and thanks to – our differences, with the hope to inspire more people to take part.”
Before the mentoring programme
Halima: “I lost confidence in myself during the long lockdown. I was bored most of the time. I really wanted to do something for myself. One day, I met one of the staff at Happy Baby Community, and I got to know about the Routes mentoring programme. At first, I did not understand what it was about but later I realised this was a little light in a dark room.”
Silvia: “A few months ago, I read in a book something like “the purpose of life is self-transcendence, rather than endless self-reflection”. That really resonated with me and made me realise that after having spent a couple of years focusing on myself with the support of wonderful people, I was now ready to offer support to someone else. Some days later, a colleague at work shared the opportunity to enrol in the Routes mentoring programme and it felt like the perfect match for what I was looking for.”
Our first training
Halima: “Until the first meeting with my mentor Silvia I was very worried about how she would be. I was fearful, curious and joyful at the same time. I was scared that my English level was not going to be good enough and Silvia wouldn’t understand me. And I was worried I could not reach my goal.”
Silvia: “During the first training with Routes I remember feeling a mix of excitement and anxiety (apparently, these feelings are caused by the same chemicals in the brain). How do you connect meaningfully with a person that comes from the other side of the world and is likely to have a completely different lived experience from you? Even more worryingly, how do you do that online, in the middle of a pandemic?”
Our journey together
Halima: “On the first day all the fears were gone. Silvia is very positive, sincere and friendly. She would turn all my negative thoughts into positive ones with her talking. She understands everything I say, she even understands what I can’t understand. Since the first meeting I felt safe with her and it seemed like we had known each other for a long time. I am fascinated by Silvia’s sincere behaviour, and I now wait all week to talk to her.
“We normally talk for a long time and we got to know each other through the programme. Silvia has always been thinking about my goal. I learned a lot of things from her that will be useful in my life here. Silvia is not only my favourite person, but also my one-year old daughter’s one. I don’t know the other mentors, but I am lucky, and I think my mentor is the best. Thanks to the mentoring programme, I was able to get out of a very frustrating and unhappy place. I regained my self confidence and I’ve learnt a lot. The staff at Routes Mentoring have been really supportive. I wish the programme continues so that more people can benefit from it.”
Silvia: “Already on the first meeting, I realised Halima and I had more in common than what I had initially thought. After 30 minutes, we were chatting about our families, our countries, our experience of moving to the UK from abroad and getting settled here. She introduced me to her baby and shared a lot of interesting facts about the typical food and dresses of her country. From the very first session, we were open about what we wanted to achieve through the programme and how we could support each other in this journey.
“With time, our relationship has evolved and so have our meetings. While at the beginning I was the one playing a more proactive role by suggesting activities Halima could do and next steps to achieve her goals, now she does most of the talking, brings up a lot of different topics for discussion and every week she updates me on all the activities and courses she is doing. Witnessing Halima become more confident after each meeting has been one of the greatest joys of my adult life. Watching her grow and flourish despite all the negative circumstances that were affecting her life has been a true source of inspiration.
“On a personal level, it’s been so empowering for me to learn that I am able to support another human being to achieve their goals and that I have the resources and the tools to be an accountability buddy, a cheerleader, a friend and a supporter.”
Our thank you
Silvia and Halima: “A special thank you from both of us goes to the Routes Mentoring programme, which has given us a fantastic opportunity to grow into a better and happier version of ourselves and to build a meaningful friendship with someone supposedly so different, and yet so similar. It has been by accepting, exploring and valuing our differences that we were able to go beyond them.
This journey made us realise that we share the fundamental experience of being human - of being sad when we feel rejected, self-conscious when we face a new challenge, happy when people treat us with unexpected kindness, empowered when we are showed that we are capable of achieving our most ambitious dreams. We were reminded that we are – as much of a platitude as it may sound – fundamentally made of the same matter.”
